The Advantages vs. Disadvantages

Saturday, September 6, 2008

I saw that Matt had blogged about our interesting conversations with our advanced classes, so I am feeling as though I should as well. I originally meant to do so, but for some reason I got sidetracked and forgot to write about it, definitely did not forget about the "it" itself though.

Last week Matt and had our advanced class split into two classes. I am now teaching the girls and two boys and Matt has a couple boys from the original class and a couple that moved up from another one. We are both at the same spot in the textbook and ended up having the same conversation with our students.

We were teaching them how to use "used to" and the textbook put it in the context of getting married. For example, "Tino used to eat out for dinner, but now he eats at home". So, the questions in the textbook were as follows: What do you think the wife's role should be in marriage, what do you think the husband's role should be, what are the advantages of being married, what are the disadvantages of being married, etc.

To the first question, my girls answered, "the wife should do the laundry and cook and clean and have baby boys. They should try not to have girls because they are not as good as boys." This was heart breaking to me. I wanted to scream. One of the girls in my class actually told me that when her father found out that her mother was having a baby girl, he stayed at home in bed and slept when she was giving birth. He didn't care. I told them about the story of how happy my Dad was when I was born and how he drove 2 hours just to be there with my Mom. The girls wished that they had a Dad like mine who cared about them. They said that to me. They also said they wished they had been born in Canada so that they felt like they had more value and were not just a burden to give away when the age of marriage comes along.

The second question, the boys answered along with the girls and they all said "work, bring money, eat and sleep". This is not uncommon or out of the norm from boys at home though. It bothered me a little that the girls said the men do not have to do any cleaning or cooking. I tried to understand the cultural difference, but it was hard that day.

The third question there was only two answers, the girls said "get to be together, not lonely". The boys said "you get food made for you, your laundry is done and the house is clean all the time." Although this was a bit bothersome, it was the fourth question that really got to me.

"What are the disadvantages of being married?" The girls said that the husband drinks too much and works too much. He doesn't come home enough. And the most shocking of all, the husband hits us (as they make punching movements in the air). I was shocked. I had heard of this in Korea and that it is not illegal to hit your wife and I have heard my share of heated arguments from my window of the surrounding couples, but to hear it from all the girls in my class that they are expecting to be hit by their husbands is absolutely disturbing. Yet they all look forward to being married?? I told them that if my husband ever hit me he would be out in a second and they were shocked that I said that. I told them I would not stand for it, not that Kyle would ever do that or even think about it, and he would be gone. the discussion went on for about another 20 minutes, but this is about all that is was; me talking to the girls about how things are in my country and how sad it is that they are expecting to be beaten by their future husbands. The boys had nothing more to say other than, "yeah, hit wife." Korea has come a long way in the past years in terms of their culture and they are one of the most technologically advanced countries, but hearing this, I know they still have so much further to go.

When the class was over, I came home and I told Kyle about it and he was as shocked as I was and mentioned that he had heard it, but not so bluntly, from some of his students before as well. Later on, Matt called and brought up how his day went while on the phone with Kyle and it turns out that Matt's conversation had gone the exact same way as mine. We were both in utter disbelief. It was definitely not a coincidence that both classes had the same answers....

The next day, Kyle brought it up with one of his Korean co-workers that our students had said these things and she was astonished. She said that she had never heard that from a child in her lifetime of being a teacher. I don't know why she hadn't heard it, maybe it is that the children are afraid to talk to someone from their own culture about it and they see refuge and safety talking to us about it and not being judged for saying it, but it can't be a coincidence that three of us have had the same or similar conversations with the same outcomes.